Here we go again

Well the end is near, but it still seems so far a way. My students are agian bombarding me with e-mail with questions that are clearly laid out in the portfolio handout- I really won't miss that. I feel like everthing went by so fast, but two weeks ago it felt like the semester was never going to end! I am now too excited about my trip its sooo hard concentrate, however with the crazy amount of work I have to do it helps keep me off of cloud 9.

Tired

I am soo tired. This teaching stuff isn't all its cracked up to be. I don't remember the last time I went to bed before 3 am, and its not like I'm out at the bar partying! Which right now the bar or even going out seems like a faint memory. I am burried beneath a pile of papers, folders, and books. If it were possible to stress your self to death I am sure I would have reached that point about 3 weeks ago. I haven't even been close to my normal goofy self lately, this teaching stuff really brings out the worse in me. I can't remember the last time I was this pesimistic. I'm crabby, tired, and straight up unhappy. If something else goes wrong right now I seriously think that I will just crawl into my bed and never come out again.

Worried

Ok, There is no way I am going to get all of my stuff done! Its just impossible! There is no way! I can't even breath thinking about everything that I have to get done in the next week. Its sick! I don't know if I can even do the academic portfolio yet. I think I have my stuff put together for the teaching portfolio its just a matter of organizing it. I really can't believe how overwhelmed I am right now. I just want to cry and hide in a corner. When I get on the plane to head south it's going to be the most relaxing 14 hours of my life! no worries no family, no school.. just bliss!

Grrr

ok! I just recieved an e-mail from a student telling me his "parents need him home as soon as possible" so he can't turn in his papers and revisions before he leaves. YEAH RIGHT! this is code for I don't want to be in class and i'm lazy. I really don't even want to accept his commentary. I told him it would be late, and I almost told him that is vague excuse is bullshit (pardon my language) but I was responsible and told him"Its your grade." I don't know how he thinks this a problem for me-- except for the fact that I am going to have to read his flipping commentary a week after I have finished grading the rest of the classes! That's enough to make me want to not accpet the stupid paper! Grrrrr. Well I am done venting now. I am just so sick of reading bad writing and trying to find something nice to say about it. HORRIBLE! HORRiBLE!!! I hate grading papers I really truly hate it! well that's enough of that. I'm going to quit complaining now. Well SPell check isn't workin again.

Can't wait to leave

I cannot wait to leave the country again! If I get one more e-mail from a student asking another obvious question that is listed in the assignment sheets I'm just going to scream! Why can't they just read? I guess I don't know what could really help make life easier as far as teaching goes, because its a thing that a person has to figure out for themselves. I need to just breath. That is what would help the most, time to breath! I always feel like we have something to do and never any time to do it. Now I find out we have to do a web page? Um sure great .. Please let me figure out how to do that! I hated trying to figure out this blog! Now I have to do a whole web page? And no previous mention of this! Can I cry? I don't know anything about webpages or "professional e-journal?' What does that mean? Maybe I should just withdraw from everything!!!!! I can't wait to leave the country and not have to think about anything. I really want to take 3 classes next semester and just enjoy being a student, but there is only one class in the department that even sounds half way interesting.. And since we don't get to take anything outside the department,which I think is absolutely crap! I thought that I would really be able to be interdisciplinary, but apparently not! AHHHHHHHHHHH!

Fear--Really it is related to new media

Ok, well I suppose that I should talk about new Literacy. And all I have to say is when we think about what we are going to eat for dinner do we spell out "C-h-I-c-k-e-n"? NO! We picture it. Well I don't but I am sure all of the carnivores out there do. How hard is it to realize if we think in pictures, and even think through problems in pictures so why aren't we teaching in pictures? Well if pictures can't teach our students they will at least scare them. At least any picture from the news lately. I just finished watching a 20/20 episode about teen dating violence.. And well it hit a little bit close to home. Fear. Anyone who hasn't gone through it won't understand. The girl that was discussing her experience mention how her abuser still had half of her. Again, a little close to home. But still, why would a female lack the courage to speak out about violence against her. Because she's afraid that's why. For so long it has been the girl's fault--they deserved it or they were asking for it. Maybe we should start considering the real world when we are in the classroom.

Can't organize!

Ok, well I have tired anything and everything to stay organized this semester, but nothing is working. I am in the middle of trying to make a list of everything that needs to get done this semester.. And I can't even breath. Between Krishnan's class and revising, I just don't foresee keeping my sanity! I have never in my life just wanted to quit school, but this semester has done it. I don't know how many times I've just wanted to say SCREW IT! And walk away. Right now listening to frog calls looks really good. I have so much frustration when it comes to half of this shit that I just want to scream. I mean I can do exams, and papers, and presentations, HELL I've even had to read books and essays before! I miss sitting in class and learning.. I miss understanding.. Things like why is the artic fox white? Or What is the difference between a hormone and an enzyme? OR even better what alters the ovulation cyle in mammals? How do odor and hormones effect the reproductive biology.. if you are interested I have a very interesting paper on the subject. I am just sooo frustrated. There is nothing else i can say about how I feel right now, just frustrated and unfulfilled. Oh yeah .. Spell check is still not working and I have no idea how to fix it.

Sick

Oh my gosh! I feel absolutely ill! I can't even fucntion and everything I do only seems to make things worse. I have tried to get through my student's journals, but this overwhelming feeling suggesting that my stomach is no longer willing to hold its content isn't making it very easy. i wan to do my revisions, but again sitting up is horrible and the throbbing through my skull is again a hinderance to any scholastic progress. I am sooooo sick of being sick. The only positive right now is that the bison are making an amazing come-back against UCD. However, they really need to get their butt in gear the last 50 seconds. If I have to hear "incmoplete" onemore time I very well may vomit! I can't stand sloppy football! If you can't play with the big boys then GO HOME!!! I am pissy I hate watching a losing game. So I told all of my students that the PPT videos would probably due on last THursday, however 90% of them hadn't even started it! They then preceeded to bitch about the amount of homework they had over the weekend! I swear i wanted to scream! They had a week and a half to finsih their PPT and they act like its my fault that they have a lot of homework this weekend! GRRRRRRRRR! Oh yeah and I have the most frustrating student in my 3:30 class. He turn in his memoir in a week and a half late! AGAIN! Then he said that he couldn't find class.. but he didn't e- mail me to ask what was going on.. or look on his schedule or check blackboard .. or hand in his memoir to my mail box! Then he looks at me like it's my fault! I am under the impression that I might even have to hold his hand while he goes to the bathroom. GOD! hate to use this word , but this kid is border line STUPID! his writing isn't bad, but he hasn't figured out that THIS ISN'T HIGH SCHOOL! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! While NDSU won in the last 10 seconds.. I gues I won't have to vomit, but i think my stomach would a appreciate the up-chuck of whatever is in my tummy that it doesn't like. and now my spell check isn't working.. so my apologies to the many spelling mistakes that dominate this entry(I'm guessing).